From a distance... Cape Town 26-27 January, 2006
Up in smoke | That's where my money goes | In my lungs | And sometimes up my nose | When troubled times | Begin to bother me | I take a toke | And all my cares | Go up in smoke.
"Why might a plane continue to emit a high-pitched whine after landing at Cape Town International?"
"I dunno. The pilot left the engines on?"
"Nah. He turned them off."
"Fuck, I dunno then. Why might a plane continue to emit a high-pitched whine after landing at Cape Town International?"
"It's full of British tourists."
Ho ho ho. Or so 36-year old travelling Brit, Anthony Cooper, might have thought. Deciding to get even, he allegedly used a cigarette butt to set fire to the world's most distinctive landmark and killed a 65-year old hiker.
Apparently adding insult to injury, Magistrate Ingrid Freitag let the full-time car salesman and part-time tour-orrist from Brighton have his way with her. She released him on R3,000.00 bail—£277.50. Given former brother-in-law Jacques Freitag's alleged behaviour of late (and coincidental court appearance today), it might appear that she wanted to maintain a profile as low as that presumably now sought by suspected arsonist Cooper.
But all is not as it seems. I know Ingrid; she is not that kind of girl and I'd not impugn her professionalism. The concept of equality before the law does not take globalisation and the currency exchange markets into account. Were I to earn the same as a Brighton car salesman, I'd be as happy as a pig in shit.
Up in smoke | Donde todos es mi rey | There are no signs | Que dice no fumer | So I roll un "bomber" | Y me doy, un buen toke-ay | Y despues I choke | Y todos mis cares | Go up in smoke | Come on let's go get high.
Utimately, though, the joke's on the butt-flicking Englishman. Not only was his victim a 65-year old fellow British tourist; he got to spend a night in a South African holding cell—an experience MasterCard might describe as priceless. Nailed by Hoeriekwaggo (Table Mountain) trail guide, Donovan Lyimo, who probably earns less than £100.00 a month, Cooper will have to skulk about a while longer before once more facing Ingrid and charges of arson and culpable homicide.
And who knows? If found guilty of flaming Table Mountain, Lion's Head and Signal Hill, destroying half the world's silver tree proteas leucadendron argenteum, torching several houses and cars and, tragically, causing the needless death of an elderly hiker enjoying a summer-afternoon walk, the hapless Pom could ultimately marry a member of the 28s gang in a private ceremony held in the shadow of the mountain at Pollsmoor Prison.
The Portfolio Committee did not visit the Admissions Centre, which holds all adult offenders. This Centre is the most overcrowded in Pollsmoor. It has the capacity to hold 1 619 adult offenders and currently accommodates 3 989 adult offenders.
Report of the Portfolio Committee on Correctional Services on Visit to Pollsmoor Juvenile Detention Centres on 15 October 2004
Hell, anything's possible. It ain't over till it's over. He might even give up smoking.
Up in smoke | That's where I wanna be | 'Cause when I'm high | The world below | Don't bother me | When life begins | To be one long | And dangerous road | I take a toke | And all my cares | Go up in smoke.
Cheech and Chong | Up in Smoke
Thank you to the fire fighters, chopper pilots, tender crews, medics, volunteers, parks staff, 567 Cape Talk (which, in a day, has raised R1.4 million in disaster relief), and the supportive Cape Town public for doing so much to limit the damage caused by fire.
